Funeral Blues

By W.H. Arden. Made famous by movie 'Four Weddings and a Funeral'....

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum,
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let the aeroplanes circle moaning overhead,
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves.
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever, I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now, put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

happy birthday ...to me

i celebrated yet another birthday last saturday. started with phone call from mom which i eagerly waited over the last many years. i told a friend that, to me, getting that call from her is all i need to start yet another year of my life. that day, it started like just like any other year with me going for run in the morning except that it was a walk this time around, with my sister and brother whom just picked up running and now, discovering the joy of it...something i've been trying to tell him over the last many years without much success until recently. due to my recent surgery, i'm now confined to walking and yoga for another 3 months to come...following the good doctor's order. after good long hill walk, we all went for nice and hearty breakfast at la bodega deli in telawi bangsar which till today serves one of the best breakfast in town..no kidding. breakfast proceeded by nice light lunch at prego westin and some shopping escapade. unlike most ladies, shopping was never on top on my 'to-do' list, in fact, was never on my list at all. nevertheless, i was thrilled to be taken to such route once in a while.

something was different this year. i didn't get as many calls or texts as i used to get before. i narrowed it down to the fact that i have since changed my mobile number twice. so, i decided to send this text to friends which reads "As someone who practises positive thinking, i like to think that the reason i've yet to get any wish from you is the fact that you have no idea whatsoever that today is my birthday. Well, now you do." for the next few hours, i received in flux of calls and texts with birthday wishes and told me how funny it was to receive such text from me. some even expressed regrets for not remembering it.

frankly, i believe that birthday is a private matter and under no circumstances i would wish anyone to remember it unless they are my family. why i did what i did?! well, i decided to give others chance to wish me. c'est simple! c'est tout!
besides, what i look forward the most that day were 1. my sis has baked 3 different pies for me to enjoy 2. the meals prepared were fantastic! the rest, were bonus.
i hope to be a better friend, a better partner, a better sister and most importantly, a better muslim. amin.

yogi is just another being, too...

they said the person who can hurt you the most is the one closest to you. so, he or she did and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it?! i believe so. if it is someone who is close and we tend to have many of those around us, things get easier. we can just make a conscious effort to spend less time with these people or better still...slowly but surely try to have less and less things to do with them until one fine day, they'll get the message.

the thing with those really close to us, things get difficult. subtlety is the word..in malay we have a saying, "menarik benang dalam tepung...benang tak putus, tepung tak berselerak" means pulling a thread in flour (direct translation, that is) so that both thread and flour are intact. in life, however, that is not always the case. for me, when that happens, i revert back to few things i always revert back in such situation...nothing can hurt me unless i allow it...or..let it go, don't hold on to negative words...or i am what i am, who cares what they say. the problem with that is, things don't hurt too much if it was done by someone else...someone whom you think ought to know you well enough and yet could say the most 'unpleasant' things, your heart does rattles eventhough just a little...you think, how could he or she said that? but they did. i say, take a deep breath, dig deep into your heart and gather all your strength, smile, nod and quietly retires to your thoughts, positive thoughts about your dreams, your plans for tomorrow and, hold out your hands and thank THE ALMIGHTY for all his blessings. finally, say your prayer and retire to bed, early, because tomorrow, there will be a whole new day ahead of us.

lesson from a friend

a friend told me that if someone or something irritates me, chances are the reason is deep within me. how can that be possible, really?! because there are many, many crazy, selfish,unreasonable and...did i mention crazy...people out there that you have had the unfortunate experience of crossing path with them. believe you me, no matter how much yoga practice and meditation you had that day, it is almost impossible not to react either emotionally or physically...yes, finger signage included.
since she is someone i truly respect and who views on life i cherish, i find myself thinking long and hard about this each time i reacted. yes, yogi is human too. i don't claim to be otherwise. i tried telling this to my mom to just let go and try to understand or rather to amuse ourselves on my the @#$%^&& drive like a maniac! that way, we get the chance to amuse ourselves a lot especially while driving in KL roads and most importantly, we stay calm and our emotion learns, slowly but surely, to just let go.

in life, it's when we learn to let go, we learn to appreciate the beautiful things that life has to offer and yet, knowing these things too will not last.

theory and practical aspect of yoga

we often forget that yoga is 99% practice and 1% theory....so when a student insists on knowing the theory aspect of the poses, you are compelled to complain but how much, how deep, really. patabhi jois also said "practice and all is coming" but telling that to students, these days and age, might not be sufficient and thus, knowledge of theory including correct words and proper grammar certainly important to make ourselves understood. today's world is so demanding so it's no longer acceptable to tell the students to focus on practice without 'articulating' the reasons behind the practice which is why in US yoga is so big. Americans are simply good at talking!

everyday i thrive to be a better teacher, better practitioner and most importantly, better person. it's a lifelong conquest and i hope i'll never reach the end....amin.

healing with yoga

i can now understand how having your body cut out can really affect your perspective about life albeit for just short while. it makes you more appreciative of having a fully functional body without having to worry that some part of the body gonna rip open. it make you more creative in trying to function the body as normal as possible without other staring at you for walking funny. i was told by my very concerned gynae to take it easy and try not to harm my body by engaging myself in any strenuous activities and yoga included. wait a minute....since when does yoga qualify as 'strenuous' activity...i thought most uninitiated people are quite happy to think that yoga is way too slow for them and hence, they prefer to 'huff' and 'puff' at the gym either using weights or during 'body combat' or 'body attack' or whatever it is they call it these days...i left gym 8 years back. anyway, back to my conversation with the gynae. she mentioned that yoga has some stretching exercises that are not good for someone like me...i.e. just had about 8in cut way down my abs...hmmmmmm...but doc, i said, i'm an instructor and i teach pregnant ladies to yoga. first of all, yoga is not just exercise..don't let other yogis hear that especially those europeans that have taken residency in india coz they might get offended and sue! most importantly, there are so many poses in yoga that one can engage on without being 'strenuous'..
well, against the good doc advise i decided to start my practice with 12 rounds of surya namaskar modified for pre-natal and when on to practice basic poses without much interruption to my healing abs. i felt good. master was right as he always is...work with the breath...listen to your body...no force. that's how life should be.

attachment...no more.

a fine soul has finally found its resting place. i met him 18 yrs ago and spent last 13 yrs 'trying' not to be in touch with him...and i did, most times.
to me, he is the ideal being. it's either you adore (like i do) or you simply don't like him. for those like me (and we are huge in numbers), it was hard not to. as for the rest, how could they? you may ask...well, he has the tendency of reminding people what they should and shouldn't be, could and couldn't be...now, who would like that?? he was someone who constantly reminded you of your weakness..without saying or doing nothing....by being himself. he has set so high standards of himself that, most times, you felt so small being near him and it made you wanna run so far away as possible. and i did.

on april 6, the almighty decided he is too much for this world and took him away forever...in islam we say "from Him we came, to Him we will go"...heaven bless his soul.