To leave or to stay...how many times is enough?

A friend called this afternoon and said that she wanted to talk. So, there i was sitting on the edge of my bed with my towel for next one hour and ten minutes listening to her...talk.

why do people change? she asked. i said because they can. yes, but what if the changes affect others in bad way? she asked. probably, they don't realise that or simply don't care, was my reply. i used to hear people saying that once you get married, it will go downhill from there. i used to think that the reason that happened because of neglect by both parties and hence, started to take things for granted. the truth of the matter is, relationship/marriage will fail when one party decided not to care anymore or found other person/thing to care about. the only thing the other party can do is to fight for the relationship/marriage and maybe, just maybe, it will stay.
the problem is, the desire to fight is weak or no longer there due to reasons or hurt in the past. two things will happen at this juncture....1. you stay on and suffer...2. you leave. simple? not quite....never is. either one, the hurt will be unbearable. but if you decides to leave, your shot at happiness is higher....your hurt will be shorter....you will be a better and happier person to your siblings, friends, parents, colleagues and etc...you get my drift. staying...why on earth do you wanna do that? i asked. need to think of my kids, she answered. the talk ends till next revelation. i stood up and walked to shower. while feeling the cold water on my face i thought.....why we do this to ourselves and our children again and again?!

Convention by those wounded in love: By Paulo Coelho

I would like to share this piece of write-up by famous Paulo Coelho in his recent blog entry

General provisions:

A – Whereas the saying “all is fair in love and war” is absolutely correct;

B – Whereas for war we have the Geneva Convention, approved on 22 August 1864, which provides for those wounded in the battle field, but until now no convention has been signed concerning those wounded in love, who are far greater in number;

It is hereby decreed that:

Article 1 – All lovers, of any sex, are alerted that love, besides being a blessing, is also something extremely dangerous, unpredictable and capable of causing serious damage. Consequently, anyone planning to love should be aware that they are exposing their body and soul to various types of wounds, and that they shall not be able to blame their partner at any moment, since the risk is the same for both.

Article 2 – Once struck by a stray arrow fired from Cupid’s bow, they should immediately ask the archer to shoot the same arrow in the opposite direction, so as not to be afflicted by the wound known as “unrequited love”. Should Cupid refuse to perform such a gesture, the Convention now being promulgated demands that the wounded partner remove the arrow from his/her heart and throw it in the garbage. In order to guarantee this, those concerned should avoid telephone calls, messages over the Internet, sending flowers that are always returned, or each and every means of seduction, since these may yield results in the short run but always end up wrong after a while. The Convention decrees that the wounded person should immediately seek the company of other people and try to control the obsessive thought: “this person is worth fighting for”.

Article 3 – If the wound is caused by third parties, in other words if the loved one has become interested in someone not in the script previously drafted, vengeance is expressly forbidden. In this case, it is allowed to use tears until the eyes dry up, to punch walls or pillows, to insult the ex-partner in conversations with friends, to allege his/her complete lack of taste, but without offending their honor. The Convention determines that the rule contained in Article 2 be applied: seek the company of other persons, preferably in places different from those frequented by the other party.

Article 4 – In the case of light wounds, herein classified as small treacheries, fulminating passions that are short-lived, passing sexual disinterest, the medicine called Pardon should be applied generously and quickly. Once this medicine has been applied, one should never reconsider one’s decision, not even once, and the theme must be completely forgotten and never used as an argument in a fight or in a moment of hatred.

Article 5 – In all definitive wounds, also known as “breaking up”, the only medicine capable of having an effect is called Time. It is no use seeking consolation from fortune-tellers (who always say that the lost lover will return), romantic books (which always have a happy ending), soap-operas on the television or other such things. One should suffer intensely, completely avoiding drugs, tranquilizers and praying to saints. Alcohol is only tolerated if kept to a maximum of two glasses of wine a day.

Final determination:
Those wounded in love, unlike those wounded in armed conflict, are neither victims nor torturers. They chose something that is part of life, and so they have to accept both the agony and the ecstasy of their choice.
And those who have never been wounded in love will never be able to say: “I have lived”. Because they haven’t.

my take on Istanbul-part 1

i wrote this to a friend who will be going to Istanbul for 5 days. following is my email to her.

"dear, sorry for the late reply. as promised, i've included places that you should visit in istanbul during your 5 days trip.

first of all, please get yourself a map of istanbul as it will help you a great deal. since you'll be staying around sultanahmet area, getting around is easy as long as you're prepare to walk.
so, no.2, please wear a comfortable walking shoes as the streets are paved with cobble stones that makes wearing heels is an almost painful experience even for the runaway models.
no.3, get use to taking the tram that connects most of the major attractions if not all. it's really cheap (1TL , i think) and super convenient. but it's super packed during peak hours as it's one of the main transportation used by the locals and tourists alike.
no.4, refrain from buying carpets in istanbul! you will never get the best deal, i promise you that much. unless you are very well informed about carpets in general, don't even try to look as you will end up buying and you'll be spending the rest of your short trip having a monologue about how you should have walk away when you had the chance. believe you me, it's not worth it. come back to kl and i'll take you to the best carpet shop in town and from the best carpet of the world, yes, persian carpets. remember turkey had great influence from persia in terms of language and food, and i believe carpets is one of them. buy from the best.
no.5, try not to take taxi as the taxi drivers are one of the rude i've ever encountered which makes our drivers rather polite and tolerable. and yes, they will cheat you.
no.6, always try to bargain, the prices are never what it seems regardless how sorry/offended he/ she looks. bargain!

my take on places to visit while in Istanbul:

1. Grand Bazaar- a must but please, please refrain from buying anything from there. the better place to buy is outside the bazaar especially the shops on mahmutpasa street and streets parallel to it. if you walk along mamut pasa, you'll end up at spice bazaar. i bought my first trench coat there at rm120. you'll see locals buying stuffs at mahmutpasa. there are many things from tshirt, coats, lingerie (yes, best and cheapest lingerie i've seen) to hair pieces, jewellery, scarfs, bags, handbags...anything. you'll go nuts.
2. spice bazaar- but it has more than spices but mainly food stuffs like dried herbs, all kind of nuts, honey, sweets, lokum (turkish delights), dates...and alike. do walk around the bazaar. there is a stall with fruits that i like. you'll see the freshest figs and uncracked almonds, walnuts...many others....i love it. i attached the pix for you ( me in front of fruit stall). there is a restaurant called bab-i-hayat that serves good lamb kebap. choose the one from the displayed menu on the wall. also serves good yogurt drink especially after those long walks. another restaurant called pandeli has really nice interior but way expensive and the food doesn't really make me wanna jump and shout about it. i spent quite a bit of time at bab-i-hayat coz it has better and lively ambience compared to pandeli which can be rather stiff and uptight. mat and minah sallehs like it there and hence, the uptight air about it. spice bazaar is at eminonu area.
3. now, from spice bazaar, walk toward galata bridge, the only connecting bridge from old to new towns. walk around the ferry area where there are stalls that sells fresh fish sandwich (called balik ekmek, balik means fish). must try. and if you feel there's some space left, try the mussel, usually near the balik ekmek stand. 2TL for 2 stuffed mussels. super filling! but not for the faint-hearted.
4. at end of galata bridge crossing over to karakoy, walk to immediate left and you'll see a row of fish stalls, yes fresh produce. walk along and you'll see stall that sells fresh cooked fish. after all the meat, this would be a nice welcome. the istanbulus, yes they are called such, are almost vegetarians aside from their kebab and fish. they are very generous in their salad serving so enjoy lots of green and the tastiest tomatoes with the fish.
5. after the meal, i doubt you'll be in mood to walk so take a train at karakoy headed to kabatas (make sure you're the right lane). get down at kabatas and take an underground train to taksim square. this particular line only serves one way and non-stop between kabatas and taksim square (about 5mins journey!).
6. once at taksim square, heads towards Istiklal cadesi. it's about more than 1km walk of shops until you reach the end and almost too steep down back to the fish market at karakoy but worth the walk. this is at beyoglu area. i would like to suggest that you spend a good day here. go around 11am where all the shops and cafes are fully open, have lunch, walkabout, coffee, more walkabout and when time for dinner, go to any of the many restaurant in these areas. now, for good and nice ambience, take a walk into cicek pasaji or avrupa pasaji, pasaji means passage where as you walk further inside you'll see many restaurants, seafood mainly. this is where the locals hang out after work. yes and yes, guys and good looking ones. look for restaurant called cumhuriyet where you can listen to good fasil music (traditional turkish) on the 2nd floor. do this, eat your dinner on 1st floor for nice and relax ambience and around 8pm adjourn to 2nd floor to the music. that's where the guys (half drunk, if you lucky) hang out. order your raki, yeni raki is the famous one and just chill. once you're done with fasil, go out and take first, i think, turn to your right and walk all the way down and turn to right and you'll see many pubs with live bands competing with one another. again, guys and many guys. the only setback is they sing in turkish! but so what.
7. reserve a day to go to blue mosque, aya sofya and basilica cistern. bring your camera and scarf in hand, you'll know why. go to blue mosque in the morning, it's open at 9am. walk about and when done, walk around the area at back of the mosque to arasta bazaar. look for elif cafe and have your lunch there. order karniyarik among others. it's aubergine stuffed with minced meat. you'll see a lot of it around. my favorite. after fuelling, queue up to aya sofya. yes, i assure they'll be queue. worth it. and then go to cistern. must. once done, go towards topkapi palace or you can reserve that for another day. these places are all within walking distance so prepare to walk. around late noon, go to han restaurant and sit around the nargile or shisha as we know it. find a comfortable spot, order your tea and baklava, and yes, smoke nargile and chill. if it's too early for dinner, walk down to the park, not big but nice walk around to get your stomach hungry again. go to 'tarihi sultanahmet koftecisi selim usta' for your dinner or lunch or both. i love this place that i go every 2 3 days. it's crazy and addictive. order the lamb and broad beans....yes, you'll end up with excess gas"

The balance between diet and exercise

Losing weight is not as difficult as some people made it to be. the question is how bad do we want it?? bad enough that you're willing to 1.change your years long habit 2. adopt new habits 3.change our perception about food 4. change our thinking altogether. yes to all that??? well, i guess you're ready.
i vow to keep my body healthy and fit as a way of giving thanks to the Almighty for each day of my being.

What is the 70% diet about?
1. don't blame the food. nothing wrong with eating rice. we are asian so rice is our staple. we eat rice since year 1 so why stop eating something that made us who we are today or generations before that. the key is in the portion
2. don't forget the drinks. coke, 7up even isotonik drinks like 100plus are high in sugar content so if you're not exercising, put that 100plus away. 3in1 drink is loaded with sugar. don't be lazy. buy coffee and sugar and mix it yourself.
3. don't think all biscuits are healthy especially those that claimed to be healthy and 'low in fat' and all the BS.
4. eat lots of vegetables daily with differents colours if possible. for e.g. spinach (dark green), cabbage& cauliflower (white)
5. eat fruits daily as meal on its own and not after heavy meal. don't juice it and turn into smoothie. only way to get the nutrients is to eat with your teeth. the more you cut, the less nutrient remains.
6. eat every 2 hours. for e.g. 7am (slice toast/fruit/egg/capati);9am (fruit, bread) ; 12pm (lunch), 2pm(fruit), 4pm(tea-1kuih); 6pm(very light dinner)

what is 30% exercise about?
1. pick up a sport e.g. badminton, football, tennis, squash, brisk walking, hiking
2. must exercise more than 20mins for the body to start burning fat. i recommend min 40mins
3.at least 3x a week for it to be effective. the more better.
4. best is morning but evening is fine too
5. put the mobile or BB away for that time. focus your mind and energy to get a good workout. you owe that to yourself
6. don't compare yourself with others. each of us response differently to exercise. blame it on our genes.
7. find something that you'll enjoy doing. gym is not the only option!!!

there are so many things i want to share but for a start, try these simple formulas. i do welcome any questions you may have.
give thanks to God by respecting His creations and, we are His greatest creation.

yoga and fasting

maintaining a regular practice during fasting month requires more than will power....having nice soothing lounge music playing in the background certainly helps. quite a challenge to push it more than 60 mins. teaching while fasting is another matter altogether. 2hrs of class seems way too long when trying to maintain focus and zest for the entire class when energy is depleting as the minutes pass. my reward for end of day is this vegetarian meal. always believe that vegetarian meal is equally yummy!

tagine of aubergine with coriander and mint


dessert of 'pengat pisang' made of banana and coconut milk

yoga and food

not sure where to begin really. there are way too many misconceptions about yoga and the food intake..way too many that i may need a day or two to just slowly 'unravelled' the myth. the traditionalists might scorned at the word 'myth'. like it or not, the growing number of people taking up yoga for sheer purpose of losing weight, alternative to 'hard' exercise and achieve peace of mind. i find it quite enough challenge to convince the malays to take up yoga let alone trying to tell them to mind their food.

so, here's the thing. eating a lot of any food vegetarian or not, does cause discomfort to the stomach and make breathing while practising yoga, harder...if you don't throw up, that is. moderation is key. eat meat once a week. eat rice everyday. yes, rice everyday because we are asian. we grew up with rice and therefore, our body is accustomed to it. eat lots of vege and fruits. eat fruits as meal by itself and not as dessert. eat dessert sparingly...once in few days. yes, you can eat those cupcakes (like me) for tea but stop at one and no more until the next day. you see, i still don't understand the confusions that leads to misconceptions about the food intake as a yogi. i still eat the same stuffs as before but perhaps bit more mindful.

soul at peace

this morning, i told a friend over coffee that a soul can only have one resting place at a time. she didn't look at all puzzled as if truly understood every word i said. of course, there was a long talk (me alone) about how unsettling it is for me, the feeling i've been having since i got back from india. i'm not one who likes to whine about things. although i was confined to a room during my stay, i felt somewhat at ease despite having very limited access to things, in general. somehow, i was 'settled' and content, it seemed like my soul belonged there. she said it's the yoga that makes me feel that way. the more you look 'inside' yourself, more things being revealed...you grow more quiet as more thoughts come into being. and with more practise, the mind, too, will grow quiet. hopefully, by then, the soul has found a resting place....while i'm still breathing.